Short Story: “Collyridian Remains”

Antonelle Vetiver (not her real name) looked from the chopper in which she sat anticipating the first interesting thing to happen to her in years. She was dressed for the job she wanted (a movie archaeologist) rather than the job she had (a real archaeologist), in a Lara Croftish getup of cropped tank top, short shorts, heavy boots, and heavier sunglasses, with a sort of linen jacket over top of everything. The lone sands that stretched far away below her were not level; they were in a mountainous part of the world, and moreover were in it unlawfully, against the express instructions of the government of a certain country. Antonelle did not care about these things, or perhaps it would have been better and more honest to say that actually she liked them; they made her feel more like Indiana Jones and less like some functionary or stoolie. The man piloting the helicopter, Rodney Clark of Needham, Massachusetts, cared, but Antonelle was paying him a whole boatload of money for this, with an astronomical sum still to come depending on how the next part of the trip went.

Probably part of the reason she and Rodney got along so well, Antonelle thought, was that they were both New Englanders, both Massholes in fact, although other than the name of the state itself the town where she had grown up and the town where he had grown up had very little in common. Needham was a suburb of Boston, fairly affluent as far as she knew; she was from Florida, not the Florida of beaches and bikinis and alligators and hurricanes but the Town of Florida, Massachusetts, a tiny hill town, snowbound in the winter and windswept in almost all seasons, full of dirt roads and whitewashed-steepled churches and birches and beeches and elms. There had been little if anything "to do" as a girl growing up in Florida, Massachusetts, other than asking questions of the trees, or exploring abandoned buildings and the yawning no-thing of the defunct Hoosac Tunnel, or going to town meetings, or standing with the firefighters along Route 2 to get small bills from passing cars during the fire department's periodic fundraisers. Mostly at those her job had been to hand out miniature American flags as thank-you gifts. Rodney, she was sure, had had more "to do" at every stage of his early life, up until quite recently; arguably even now he did, piloting helicopters in dangerous parts of the world for a living. Even so she did feel that they had something in common. (Her old English teacher, Miss Corriveau, who, the last Antonelle had heard of her, had recently started her own makeup line on the internet, had always discouraged the future Antonelle Vetiver from saying that she, or characters in the stories that she would write, “felt” things rather than “thought” or “believed” them. In this case, though, Antonelle felt that “feel” really was the most apposite word.)

The helicopter began its descent to the open stone platform that they were using as a helipad. It predated the existence of helicopters by at least a thousand years; Antonelle’s understanding was that the area in which they were landing, now completely unpeopled and without any sign of past habitation other than a few other rock-tables like these scattered here and there in the arid hills, had last had a town of any size in the first century or two after the early Muslim expansion through the Arabian Peninsula. The wind whipping around her bread-colored hair as she prepared to step out onto proscribed soil was hot and dry, but not quite as hot or as dry as she would have expected. There was a strange and unanticipated balminess to it, especially after a decade of the kind of global warming that even her grandfather’s bridge buddy Jack Glump had to admit really was occurring. Normally she would have appreciated it, but there was something eerie about it when she looked at it in combination with what she was here to do, what she was here to study and try to prove.

There was only one source, formally, for the movement in which she was interested, a single passage in the Panarion of Saint Epiphanius of Salamis. A breadbasket against heresies; surely that was about as High Church as it was possible to get without mobbing the altar and killing and eating the priest at the end of the Eucharistic prayer.

“And who but women are the teachers of this? Women are unstable, prone to error, and mean-spirited. As in our earlier chapter on Quintilla, Maximilla and Priscilla, so here the devil has seen fit to disgorge ridiculous teachings from the mouths of women. For certain women decorate a barber’s chair or a square seat, spread a cloth on it, set out bread and offer it in Mary’s name on a certain day of the year, and all partake of the bread; I discussed parts of this rite in my letter to Arabia. Now, however, I shall speak plainly of it and, with prayer to God, give the best refutations of it that I can, so as to grub out the roots of this idolatrous sect and with God’s help, be able to cure certain people of this madness.”

Apparently Muhammad or someone close to him had believed that Trinitarian Christians held the Virgin Mary as a member of that Trinity, or a “person” of that Trinity since all the serious and intellectually-oriented Christians whom Antonelle knew insisted for some reason on making that distinction. That seemed as good a reason as the passage in Epiphanius to believe that these women, the so-called Collyridians from collyris, the cakes (speaking of bread), really had existed. Better, actually, because of how hostile Epiphanius was to them; the overt misogyny in the passage in the Panarion struck Antonelle as so obviously uncalled-for that it invited the question of whether Epiphanius had made up the crassest and most obvious “girls’ heresy” possible as an excuse to fulminate about it. Muhammad, or whoever it was who had induced him to in a few obscure verses of the fifth surah of the Qur’an imply that Christians worshiped Mary, had not held quite that hostility, not quite as obviously at any rate.

The person who had turned Antonelle on to this site had told her that local lore had it there were still Collyridian inscriptions to be seen here, documentary evidence, a smoking gun if there ever was one. Evidently one of Epiphanius’s unstable, error prone, mean-spirited women, sacrificing the collyris on a barber’s-chair altar, had found spare time in her busy schedule of being a heresiarch to become literate in Greek. Antonelle wished her joy of it, prayed for her joy even, since, as she had heard from many of these same erudite Christian friends, it was possible for God, outside of Time, to hear a prayer and apply it on the past.

Her head, unhelpfully but unsurprisingly, was killing her by the time she with her brush and her notebook and her various recording instruments found anything on the stone surface that seemed like it might be a Greek inscription. The writing was, her source had been very clear, on the edges, not the tops, of these things. Walls of foundations, maybe, whatever sense that made. If she had not known better she would have thought it was a scheme to make her land a helicopter in the middle of nowhere. The Greek did look like it might say “Hagia Maria,” but “Hagia Maria” on its own was conventional, orthodox. She would need to find more. A description of the cakes would help; better still would be an ode or prayer or hymn not to “Hagia Maria” but to something less plausibly deniable, “Thea Maria” maybe, or something including the word “prosopon.”

She sang her favorite aunt Gertrude’s old favorite song as she worked. “The day they laid poor Pancho low, Lefty split for Ohio, and where he got the bread to go, there ain’t nobody knows…”

She finished uncovering the inscription. “"Hagia Maira, ten timioteran ton Cheroubeim, kai endoxoteran asinkritos ton Serapheim, ten adiaphthoros Theon Logon tekousan...”

“Totally fucking orthodox. Motherfucker,” Antonelle breathed.

“You okay there?” Rodney called from the chopper. Poor Rodney, Antonelle thought; he had little investment here, but also little vanity; he was not inspired to refute anyone’s prejudices against him, nor was he inspired to make himself known for answering some old arcane mystery. He just enjoyed flying in the hotter and more dangerous parts of the world, and coming from somewhere where the hottest and most dangerous thing for half the year was a spilled cup of Dunkin, he could, she thought, be easily understood. Sympathy was easy, and even love, for someone in Rodney’s position in this world, who was kind.

“Yeah!” said Antonelle, then, realizing that she had snapped at him, “Yeah. Just disappointed.”

“Not finding what you were hoping for?”

“Does not look that way, no.”

She trudged back over the stone table to the chopper and sat back down beside him with a sigh. “Leaving already?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Okay, well, if you want to just relax here for a bit, we have some snacks I swiped from my hotel room before we left Riyadh, and, if you would like, a little nip of contraband.” He picked up what she had assumed was a water bottle and swirled it around in his right hand demonstratively.

“I’d like to just close my eyes for a few minutes, I think,” Antonelle said.

“Okay. Well, I’m going to have some nuts, and let me know if you’d like any,” said Rodney. She nodded, and the last thing she saw before closing her eyes and attempting to drift off was him happily apportioning a handful of brazil nuts for himself.

In Antonelle’s uncomfortable sun-drenched dream, she saw two women standing dolefully in front of her, in the dress of Eastern Roman imperial times. One was older and one was younger; both had big sad brown eyes, and both were holding cakes, holding collyris.

“What do you think it would prove, if we were real?” the older one asked her.

“If we were much as that man said, as Epiphanius claimed,” said the younger one.

“It would prove that he was wrong to speak so cruelly about you,” Antonelle said. “They would see that there were real people there, not just frivolous self-centered straw women for a bishop from Cyprus to vent about.”

“Is it more wrong to speak cruelly about someone just because that person is real?” the older of the two women in antique dress said then.

“Why would it not be?” Antonelle said. “A real person has rights, has a real life, a real inner life. You can be fair or unfair to a real person, not just about one.” She had a hard time explaining this, less because she had never expected to need to and more because it felt, in this sort of dream, as if they, the dream-emissaries, ought to be explaining it to her, not she to them.

“I agree; but do you think others do?” the younger of the two women in antique dress asked her, her eyes growing even wider, even more dolorous. The lighting in the dream-space was dimmed, as in a basilica; natural, but partly warded away. It was by no means the baked bright heat of the helicopter in which she was fitfully dozing in waking, or undreaming, life. “If you say ‘these people really existed; perhaps do not be so cruel to them’ do you really think others will take that to heart? Maybe they will, but I do not think so, especially since Epiphanius is dead.”

“But were you real?” Antonelle asked. “Your stories should be told for its own sake, even if…”

“Told by you?” the older of the two women in antique dress asked her. Antonelle did not have a good answer to this, especially since it made something clear to her that saddened her deeply, which was that her respect for these women and her respect for the past more generally did not necessarily produce a similar respect for her in them. Neither was that, probably, anything worth wondering at; nobody repaid every single quantum or scintillum of respect and love in kind, and Antonelle Vetiver was not one to inspire most people besides herself. She was a vague, self-contemptuous, posturing young living being, and the dreary regions of the dead could surely find more promising chevaliers.

She stirred. Rodney was peering at her with concern. Nary a twist in his mind, neither thought nor motive other than that concern, crossed the sweaty surface of his diligent, far-eyed face. She wondered if he had ever retained for longer than fifteen seconds her explanations of why they were here or what the Collyridians had supposedly been like. She vaguely hoped not, because that unawareness if anything would make him more deserving of the huge payout that he was getting for taking this kind of risk. It was a risk for her agenda, and she was grateful for it; she wanted to be as grateful for it as it was possible to be without caring about him overmuch.

He let her choose the music on the helicopter ride to their contact in Al-Mazyunah. It was a beaten-up old tape deck and she fished out a beaten-up old tape. She listened to Alanis and, as was traditional, thought about her ex-girlfriend. The next time she dozed off she had an uncomfortable dream about receiving oral sex from the younger of the two Collyridian women from the previous dream, apparently during a performance of Iphigenia among the Taurians. She woke up with the helicopter passing, so to speak, through the purpling surfaces of the ultradeep evening sky.

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