Things That God Created to Train the Faithful: A Partial List
I write this from a more or less okay hotel lobby computer in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, dashed off in a slapdash fashion. It is my second Dune-inspired not-quite-essay, after the wildly successful (in some, extremely narrow, circles, which I suppose robs the expression “wildly successful” of most or all of its force) “Who Said It: God-Emperor Leto II or Greta Thunberg?” The original saying, attributed by noted pro-life femcel Irulan Corrino to (who else?) Muad’dib, is, of course, “God created Arrakis to train the faithful.”
To Irulan’s immortalization of her husband’s observation, I add:
God created prestige TV, and its attendant practices around both viewing culture and narrative mode, to train the faithful. (Not to tip my hand about my current fandom participation overmuch, but…)
God created Florida to train the faithful.
God created Trustco Bank to train the faithful.
God created old-school anime fandom to train the faithful.
God created small talk to train the faithful.
God created dating to train the faithful.
God created Don DeLillo/Murakami Haruki-type swill about depoliticized consumerist realism, and the idea that this is “good” literature, to train the faithful.
God created hangnails to train the faithful.
God created car culture to train the faithful.
God created unseasonably warm weather to train the faithful.
God created sleep apnea to train the faithful.
God created the Republic of Ireland’s political system to train the faithful.
God created the funhouse-mirror version of the overgrown-high-school-mean-girl mindset, where you assume everyone else is an overgrown high school mean girl if they ever disagree with you on anything, to train the faithful.
God created some, but not all, of the Interstate Highway System to train the faithful.
God created both the phrase “anti-Zionism is antisemitism” and its logical complement to train the faithful—but, since He also created the phrase “both sides do it” to train the faithful, it’s best not to stress this overmuch.
God created people who loudly complain about cold weather, and treat their preferences regarding this as objective fact with which everyone agrees, to train the faithful.
God created margarine to train the faithful.